The Apprentice – Eastern Daily Press

It seems to me that the candidates on The Apprentice are getting worse. I mean if the express intention of the show was to bring together a collection of vapid egomaniacs with all the business acumen of a mouldy Tupperware set, then I’d understand.

What would men in middle age do without Jeremy Clarkson?

Then there’s Jeremy Clarkson. Imagine what life would be like if he’d never been born. So much would be different! For a start, men of a certain age would have no role model during their midlife crises! Sales of ill-fitting jeans, artificially distressed leather jackets and ridiculously impractical gas guzzling cars would plummet in a Clarkson free world… or, as he’d put it, ‘If there was no Jeremy Clarkson IN THE WORLD!’

SIMILE LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

The word ‘like’ is one of comparison. It suggests that one thing is similar to, but not the same as, another. Yes, we all know that, but it’s important to state at this juncture. For some reason, however, the word ‘like’ has replaced ‘erm’ for many as an unconscious way of punctuating sentences.
As such – and my English teacher would be proud of me for this – we’re living in a world of similes.

The day I met the REAL Santa Claus

They say you should never meet your heroes, but there are some opportunities you can’t refuse: like interviewing the REAL Father Christmas.
Here’s what happened…

Why I’ve written to Santa for a Spider-Man costume…

My son’s superhero of choice is Spider-Man. I’d like to say that the obsession with blue and red spandex-clad fella is driving me up the wall, but it’s my son who’s doing the climbing in our house.

Sorry Sir Paul… Eastern Daily Press Column

I’m a little bit bored of celebrities jumping on the bandwagon and releasing children’s books. Actually bored doesn’t quite cover it. I feel the glut of actors, actresses, singers and presenters using their fame to dominate the world of children’s literature is actively unhelpful. They’re all at it, Fearne Cotton, Miranda Hart, David Baddiel… the list really is endless

I don’t want to dance – Eastern Daily Press

Why is dancing in public the only part of life where people just aren’t allowed to say no? I’m going to let you into a little secret, a lot of people (of whom I may be one) don’t like parties, weddings and the like. They see them as necessary evils, somewhere they need to show their face and endure the goings on for as long as is seemly, before slipping away quietly. There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with this approach to life. It is totally valid.

When did we ditch niceness?

Now, I’m sure there’s a fair number of you queuing up to label me an overly sensitive snowflake. Fair enough, but I’m serious here. We, as a society, seem to have lost something. We’ve allowed ‘niceness’ to become a negative trait; something to be purged from our systems in case it shows up as weakness. “Show me a nice person and I’ll show you a pushover” is beginning to feel like the pervasive motto. I realised, standing outside that department store, waiting for in vain for my turn to enter, that I really miss niceness.
Can we have it back please?