I’m well aware that coffee is no real substitute for genuine sleep. But when a decent stretch of sleep isn’t on offer, due to my baby son teething / having a cold / being hungry / doing a secret experiment on how long sleep-deprived parents can last before losing the plot, coffee is a great plan B.
Here’s a piece I wrote for Western Morning News, published on April 1st (that’s important). In it I explain how the fates have conspired to make me a middle-aged Billy Elliot…
If there’s one thing I love to write, it would have to be newspaper columns. These 5 minute reads give a columnist the chance to take a 600 word flight of fancy.
My son’s superhero of choice is Spider-Man. I’d like to say that the obsession with blue and red spandex-clad fella is driving me up the wall, but it’s my son who’s doing the climbing in our house.
It seems to me that the candidates on The Apprentice are getting worse. I mean if the express intention of the show was to bring together a collection of vapid egomaniacs with all the business acumen of a mouldy Tupperware set, then I’d understand.
There are very few people who can pull of a singlet unitard. It didn’t take me long to discover I wasn’t one of them.
I’m a little bit bored of celebrities jumping on the bandwagon and releasing children’s books. Actually bored doesn’t quite cover it. I feel the glut of actors, actresses, singers and presenters using their fame to dominate the world of children’s literature is actively unhelpful. They’re all at it, Fearne Cotton, Miranda Hart, David Baddiel… the list really is endless
“They told us Brexit would be a piece of cake – the trouble is eating cake isn’t always great for diabetics”
Why is dancing in public the only part of life where people just aren’t allowed to say no? I’m going to let you into a little secret, a lot of people (of whom I may be one) don’t like parties, weddings and the like. They see them as necessary evils, somewhere they need to show their face and endure the goings on for as long as is seemly, before slipping away quietly. There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with this approach to life. It is totally valid.
The word ‘like’ is one of comparison. It suggests that one thing is similar to, but not the same as, another. Yes, we all know that, but it’s important to state at this juncture. For some reason, however, the word ‘like’ has replaced ‘erm’ for many as an unconscious way of punctuating sentences.
As such – and my English teacher would be proud of me for this – we’re living in a world of similes.